Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Self confidence

I'm just needing to write to get my thoughts out there so you guys get stuck reading my random thoughts. Tonight I was studying for the CPA exam & started to get really frustrated with myself b/c I was struggling with the homework. I know most of my issue is I don't do well on a few questions & then start the thoughts "i'm not going to pass. i'm going to get a 57 like last time" etc
So how is it that I have self confidence in so much of the rest of my life but when it comes to the CPA exam I immediately feel like a failure? And I know that 90% of the exam is confidence in myself that I can do it. Anyone have tips they use when they are feeling down?
I know part of this week is PMS but I can get myself to tears quite easily when I get to this point when I'm studying. And I'm NOT a crying type of person. I started taking the exams in Aug of 07. I took the business one 3 times before passing, then took the tax one 3 times before passing, have taken financial twice (& this is the one I'm studying right now) and have taken the audit one twice. I plan to take the financial one july 20th & audit on aug 31st b/c its the last day of the testing window. then i'll have 1 more shot at financial & one more at audit before i lose scores b/c its been 18 months since i passed my first one. Maybe it's the time pressure I am putting on myself knowing I only have 2 shots left before I lose a passing score. Or the money b/c its over $250/test each time I take it. I don't think its the money though b/c we get a bonus when we pass & hopefully a raise.
I really just think its the time pressure & that I want to be done with it so bad b/c I feel guilty for studying all the time. I've been studying for the cpa exam ever since Steve has been with me. I don't know what its like to have free evenings to spend with him that I'm not thinking "you should be studying".
ok I'm not to bed! Hope class goes fast so that I can get back to studying tomorrow night & be productive. See? I'm addicted to studying yet I suck at it? Whats up with that?? I'm so confusing... lol

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